In the end it only took them half an hour to turn me into a woman — I’m not sure if I should be offended by that or not.
But as I headed to Baxter Park ahead of my “transformation” I wondered just what to expect from my “behind the scenes” experience.
Organisers hope this, the third year here will be the best yet. Whether my turn on stage as an honorary Ladyboy would help this happen, I could not say.
As my nerves started to creep in, I looked to show manager Robert Price for a calming influence as I reached the Sabai Pavilion.
Robert, who has been involved with the production for the past seven years, asked: “Are you ready for your experience?”
My stomach filled with nervous tension, suddenly more mindful than ever that I was about to become a woman, albeit just for an afternoon.
As I was quickly ushered backstage I was amazed at the number of cast members already extravagantly dressed and ready to show Dundee the full “wow factor”.
Robert explained: “We’ve already had terrific feedback from the Dundee crowd who’ve seen the show so far — it has such a loyal fanbase.
“Members of the cast have been rehearsing since January. There’s so much passion by the cast to become part of the show.”
As preparations got underway, I began to imagine exactly what I’d look like as a female — praying the image in my head would be a worst-case scenario.
While my own makeover was mercifully short, the regular cast members have worked very hard to get here.
“The auditions to be a part of The Ladyboys of Bangkok is crazy,” said Robert. “We had more than 200 people audition for this year’s production and plans are already afoot for next year’s show.”
As I chatted with Robert, my time in the makeup chair was soon drawing to a close and the next destination was costume.
There were about 270 brand new outfits at my disposal so I was starting to fully understand the age-old dilemma of “what to wear?”
But my figure isn’t exactly “svelte” in a way they’d be accustomed to. With the wardrobe department acustomed to catering for more petite performers, I actually started to feel guilty as they hunted around for an outfit that would fit me. That was, until a beautiful gold sequined dress was found. It almost fitted me. Perfect.
With only a few safety pins protecting my modesty (and public decency), even a few of the cast members approved of my new look. Further still, there was even an ambitious cry of “Beyonce”.
As the cast began assembling behind the curtain, the lights dimmed.
The show got under way and I prepared for my “grand” entrance towards the end of the set.
My nerves started to get the better of me as I shakily rehearsed my big walk-in behind the curtain over and over. But my big moment arrived all too soon, and armed with only a teapot stance I would face my “15 seconds of fame” ready or not.
The cast had delivered a flawless performance and I prayed as I walked out that I wasn’t going to ruin it. Dazzled by the bright lights, I flashed a winning smile and hoped for the best.
I can only wonder what the bewildered audience made of this mysterious new performer; a cross between Miss World and Jessica Rabbit. Either way I don’t think the cast will be fearing for their jobs any time soon.
If you fancy seeing how the real performers dazzle on stage, you can catch them at Baxter Park until Saturday.
The Ladyboys of Bangkok are in town and Tele reporter James Simpson got more than he bargained for when he asked what it’s like to be part of the show.
